Happy is hard.

No.

I’m not ok, but that picture makes me smile. That’s why I put it there.

When you say it’s going to be ok, I know you mean it, but it doesn’t make it so.

When you say, “I’m so sorry!” and I say, “It’s ok.”

It’s not.

 No one could’ve ever prepared me for what I’m going through right now. No one could’ve said, “Hey Al! Guess what? Your life is about to get turned upside down. Ready?”

I would’ve said I was. I think we all think that we can do anything and I’m starting to think I might’ve been wrong.

I started my day at Duke last Friday helping a woman, obviously on chemo, up from the floor in the restroom and back into her clothes. I finished it, leaving my husband there, once again, with an infection that is hopefully on it’s way to recovery.

Karma is a bitch and I think she’s mad at me.

My thought tonight is brief.

I feel as if I’m at the end of my rope. I’m frantically searching for something to grab onto.

What does the one that everyone clings to grab onto?

This is not a pity party, y’all. I swear it’s not.  Chris is doing well and will hopefully come home tomorrow. He’s been fitted for his helmet and it actually looks kinda cute.

I just feel weathered. The storm is taking it’s toll and my eyes look empty. My soul feels pained. And to the best of my knowledge, I’m gaining weight.

Hold the ones that you love dear tonight. Rethink the ones that you don’t. No one or nothing is worth the pain that I’m enduring right now and if I can get just one person to see that, then I’ve done my job here.

Don’t let anyone or anything back you into a corner.

Stand up. Brush yourself off and give it another go.

Life is not perfect, but it’s precious.

Be positive. Do the most good and be the best “you” that you can be.